Cool Definitions

1) What is Life??

They say Life is from B to D (means Birth to Death), but what's between B and D? It's "C" (means Choice)...
Life is a matter of choices...

2) What is FAMILY??

Family is one of the strongest words anyone can say, because the letters of FAMILY means
"Father And Mother I Love You"

Intelligent Interview Answers

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it

take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples

and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant withone

hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Problems, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?

A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?

A : Dinner.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you

ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before

you make up your mind!" The boy thought for awhile and said,"my choice

is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on

the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,

"It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND

difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

Nothing has Changed

20 years back - School bag.
Today - Office bag.

20 years back - A notebook
Today - HP Note book

20 years back - Hero Ranger
Today - Hero Honda (May be Honda City)

20 years back - Half Pants
Today - Full Pants

20 years back - Playing with plastic cars running on battery
Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol

20 years back - Scared of teachers and exams!
Today - Scared of Bosses and targets

20 years back - Wanting to be the class topper
Today - Wanting to be the employee of the month

20 years back - Quarterly Exams
Today - Quarterly results

20 years back - Annual Exams
Today - Annual appraisals

20 years back - Pocket Money
Today - Salary

20 years back - Eagerly Waiting for Diwali crackers
Today - Eagerly waiting for Diwali Bonus

20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market
Today - Craving for the latest gadget in the market

So did you realize nothing has changed.

Romantic - Unromantic Combo Pack

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line.  

Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped on to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Source : Forwarded E-Mail

I Want to Go Back To College

Following are the reasons why I want to go back to College....

1. On being Late:**

"Kab shuru hui class?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha isne"

"Ek page de na.......... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse
likhunga......."

" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"

"wo bhi iss class ke liye "*


*2. During the lecture:**

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is

........huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."

"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko maar goli..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"

"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."

"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"*

*3. Lab:**

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"last time tu aaya the kya?""

"Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya .......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata
hai...."

**

4. Sessionals Test:**

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya
hoga...."

"Oye Sushil kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen
chalega..." SAHI !!

**

5. For attendance**

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya "

"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........"

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saale tera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."

**

6. Late submission of assignments:**

" Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein
submit kar dena"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"

"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai "

**

7 . After exam:**

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."

"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya ..........fail pakka......."

"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"

**

8 . VIVA (b4 exam):**

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee.......Akash.....terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak
preparation nahi hui hai"

**

9 . Submission:**

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

**

10 .Copying Assignments:**

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal" (The best one)

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........"

"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........"

**

11. Exam:**

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh NAHI aata hai"  ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"

"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE

"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!*

*This one is dedicated to all my friends:

"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai , 

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.
 

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain 

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai, 

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai,

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke cafeteria  ki  yaad aati hai,

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai , 

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.
bas ek bar aur, wapas lautne ka man karta hai."*

Source: Forwarded E-Mail

गब्बर सिंह का चरित्र चित्रण

1. सादा जीवन, उच्च विचार: उसके जीने का ढंग बड़ा सरल था. पुराने और मैले कपड़े, बढ़ी हुई दाढ़ी, महीनों से जंग खाते दांत और पहाड़ों पर खानाबदोश जीवन. जैसे मध्यकालीन भारत का फकीर हो. जीवन में अपने लक्ष्य की ओर इतना समर्पित कि ऐशो-आराम और विलासिता के लिए एक पल की भी फुर्सत नहीं. और विचारों में उत्कृष्टता के क्या कहने! 'जो डर गया, सो मर गया' जैसे संवादों से उसने जीवन की क्षणभंगुरता पर प्रकाश डाला था.

२. दयालु प्रवृत्ति: ठाकुर ने उसे अपने हाथों से पकड़ा था. इसलिए उसने ठाकुर के सिर्फ हाथों को सज़ा दी. अगर वो चाहता तो गर्दन भी काट सकता था. पर उसके ममतापूर्ण और करुणामय ह्रदय ने उसे ऐसा करने से रोक दिया.

3. नृत्य-संगीत का शौकीन: 'महबूबा ओये महबूबा' गीत के समय उसके कलाकार ह्रदय का परिचय मिलता है. अन्य डाकुओं की तरह उसका ह्रदय शुष्क नहीं था. वह जीवन में नृत्य-संगीत एवंकला के महत्त्व को समझता था. बसन्ती को पकड़ने के बाद उसके मन का नृत्यप्रेमी फिर से जाग उठा था. उसने बसन्ती के अन्दर छुपी नर्तकी को एक पल में पहचान लिया था. गौरतलब यह कि कला के प्रति अपने प्रेम को अभिव्यक्त करने का वह कोई अवसर नहीं छोड़ता था.

4. अनुशासनप्रिय नायक: जब कालिया और उसके दोस्त अपने प्रोजेक्ट से नाकाम होकर लौटे तो उसने कतई ढीलाई नहीं बरती. अनुशासन के प्रति अपने अगाध समर्पण को दर्शाते हुए उसने उन्हें तुरंत सज़ा दी.

5. हास्य-रस का प्रेमी: उसमें गज़ब का सेन्स ऑफ ह्यूमर था. कालिया और उसके दो दोस्तों को मारने से पहले उसने उन तीनों को खूब हंसाया था. ताकि वो हंसते-हंसते दुनिया को अलविदा कह सकें. वह आधुनिक यु का 'लाफिंग बुद्धा' था.

6. नारी के प्रति सम्मान: बसन्ती जैसी सुन्दर नारी का अपहरण करने के बाद उसने उससे एक नृत्य का निवेदन किया. आज-कल का खलनायक होता तो शायद कुछ और करता.

7. भिक्षुक जीवन: उसने हिन्दू धर्म और महात्मा बुद्ध द्वारा दिखाए गए भिक्षुक जीवन के रास्ते को अपनाया था. रामपुर और अन्य गाँवों से उसे जो भी सूखा-कच्चा अनाज मिलता था, वो उसी से अपनी गुजर-बसर करता था. सोना, चांदी, बिरयानी या चिकन मलाई टिक्का की उसने कभी इच्छा ज़ाहिर नहीं की.

8. सामाजिक कार्य: डकैती के पेशे के अलावा वो छोटे बच्चों को सुलाने का भी काम करता था. सैकड़ों माताएं उसका नाम लेती थीं ताकि बच्चे बिना कलह किए सो जाएं. सरकार ने उसपर 50,000 रुपयों का इनाम घोषित कर रखा था. उस युग में 'कौन बनेगा करोड़पति' ना होने के बावजूद लोगों को रातों-रात अमीर बनाने का गब्बर का यह सच्चा प्रयास था.

9. महानायकों का निर्माता: अगर गब्बर नहीं होता तो जय और वरू जैसे लुच्चे-लफंगे छोटी-मोटी चोरियां करते हुए स्वर्ग सिधार जाते. पर यह गब्बर के व्यक्तित्व का प्रताप था कि उन लफंगों में भी महानायक बनने की क्षमता जागी.

लेखक : अनजान (किसी को मालूम हो तो बताने की कृपा करे)
स्त्रोत : फोरवर्ड इ-मेल (Sandeep)

Clever Re-Arrangement of word

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

 

 

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

 

 

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

 

 

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

 

 

 

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

 

DESPERATION   

  When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

 

 

 

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

 

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

Source: Forwarded E-Mail 

Impact of job change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the  driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years....... u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!"

Author: Unknown

Source: Forwarded E-Mail

A Woman's Poem

A little laugh for the women & a sign of caution to our dear men...

                         He didn't like the curry
                       And he didn't like my cake.
                   He said my biscuits were too hard...
                    Not like his mother used to make.
 

                    I didn't prepare the coffee right
                         He didn't like the stew,
                         I didn't mend his socks
                      The way his mother used to do.
 

                         I pondered for an answer
                        I was looking for a clue.
                      Isn't there anything I could do
                        To match his mothers shoe

                       Then I smiled as I saw light
                     One thing I could definitely do
                    I turned around & slapped him tight
                     Like his mother used to do!!! :)

Author: Unknown

Source: Forwarded E-Mail

Bhai(Don) Ka Resume

Pakya Bhai Supariwala

Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and
the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer
Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented
Crime Design

Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint
flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:
* Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections

Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic
degree supply.

References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

Source: Forwarded E-Mail

Quotes from married men :-)))

I  recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
 
 
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
 
 
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
 
 
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
 
 
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
 
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
 
 
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
 
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
 
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
 
 
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
 
 
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray
 
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
 
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
 
 
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
 
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
 
 
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
 
 
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
 
 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
 
 
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive." 

Source: Forwarded E-Mail